Wife, Mother, and Jeweler?

Any of you who knew me, before my two wonderful childern entered my life, would know how I loved putting together that "perfect outfit" when going somewhere.  I always had to complete the ensemble with complimentary jewelry and maybe even shoes and a purse. And yes, I will admit it, I am guilty of matching my make-up as well. Many times I have been teased by my sisters about my "accessorizing" and they have even given me a hard time about matching my babies pacifiers to their outfits.
This put together woman is pretty much non existent now and I miss her. Having children has changed me and I have been on a downward slope ever since.  It has gotten bad lately, and I am pretty sure I would make a good entry for What Not To Wear. As we speak I sit here in my husband's sweatpants from PT in the army, a t shirt, greasy uncombed hair and no make-up. Sadly, this is the norm now days. I guess I have given up for the most part. I am not happy with the ways pregnancy has changed my body and I now dread shopping! It is hard enough dragging two kids along, but then I have to find something that doesn't look completely awful on me. I usually come home feeling defeated and depressed. So this is why I have a very limited wardrobe these days and resort back to the sweats. As far as the mess on my head, I am lucky to work a shower in most days. I don't get out of the house very much, and when I do it is a race to make it home between naps and meals, so putting make-up on is the last of my worries. I often joke about having no life anymore, but honestly I love the life God has given me, my wonderful husband, and my beautiful children, but in a way I have lost myself in all of it.
Recently a friend was telling me about her new business venture and the old Anna started to resurface. She told me how she was going to start selling jewelry and as she went on, I only got more interested. I like jewelry...well at least I used to. So after learning more about the company, I decided I would give it a try as well. If anything it would be a good excuse to get out of the house and maybe meet some people.  Plus if I were to bring in a little extra income, my husband couldn't complain. :) I was able to meet with my friend's sponsor and attend a show earlier this week and I came away excited and most importantly feeling a little like my old self again.
I am now an official jeweler for Premier Designs Inc. "Premier Designs is a direct sales jewelry company founded in 1985 by Joan and Andy Horner in Irving, Texas, a suburb of Dallas. They created the company as a way to support ministries here and around the globe, as well as provide a home-based business opportunity established on biblical principles, such as integrity and unselfish service." (PD website) I know that there are a ton of direct sales companies that woman get involved in, and that you are thinking this is no different, but I honestly feel that this one is for me. I love that the company is Christian based and that they help support christian ministries. Makes me feel that I am helping contribute to a greater cause. What makes it even better is that I love the products! They offer affordable high fashion jewelry and after getting my hands on it at the show I am in LOVE. Everything is so cute and unique. I would compare it to the stuff I have always bought at Kohls but nicer. I can't wait to get my stuff in the mail and start "accessorizing"!
I don't know if I will be any good at this, but I do know that I haven't even started yet and I am already imaging that put together woman making a comeback. I can't explain it, other than I feel like God is using this opportunity to remind me that I am valuable. Those old feelings and insecurities of worthlessness had been creeping back into my life and I need to remember how important I am to those who love me. My family, my husband, my children, and most importantly God. I owe it to all of them, as well as my self to take pride in all the God has given me. What message am I portraying when I go out in public looking like a mess, or when my husband comes home to me looking nothing like the woman he married. He deserves for me to take the time to look good for him, if I won't do it for myself. Furthermore I am not doing what God has called me to by simply hiding away in my house. I am hoping this opportunity will help give me a much needed kick in the butt. It will force me to put myself together and get out there. If anything comes from this, I am hoping to feel better about myself and to be a testimony of all the wonderful things God has done in my life.

Child like faith

 Iam continually amazed and humored by the mind of my 3 year old. Children have such a different outlook on the world around them. They look at things simply for what they are and don't complicate things, like we adults are guilty of doing. I have a list of some of the hilarious things my son has thought up. One of my favorite being when he was 2. He called my deodorant, "armpit butter". Totally makes sense! :) The other day I told him we were going to the store to get his Grammie a get well card to make her feel better. On the way home he came down with a bad case of the hiccups. He looked at me and said mom we should get a "go away" card. I was confused at first and responded with, "Do you mean a get well card?". He responded back with, "No a go away card for my hiccups, so they will go away."
He has some pretty deep thoughts for a 3 year old. Lately he has been particularly interested in death and what happens to us when we die. When he was 17 months old my grandmother and his "Great" passed away. He has never forgotten about her and to this day still talks about her and can recognize her in a picture. When he asked to see her the first time after her passing, I carefully explained that we can't see Great and that she doesn't live in her house anymore. I have always been open with the subject of death, because it is a part of life and nothing I feel like he needs to be sheltered from. I explained that when we get old then our bodies don't work anymore and that we die. She went to heaven to live with Jesus. I thought this answer should suffice, but it only brought up further questioning. "How do we get to heaven?" I was not prepared for this and I struggled with how I share salvation so that he could understand. I explained that we all do bad things called sin and that God can not be around sin. A long time ago God sent his son, baby Jesus, to earth. When baby Jesus grew up and got big like daddy, there were some bad men that didn't like him.  They hurt him and killed him. Before I could explain further, he jumped into protect Jesus, just like Spiderman would. He told me that he would kill those bad guys. I explained that it is bad to kill people and that Spiderman didn't kill the bad guys. He instead decided that he would tie them up with webs and shoot webs in their faces. This satisfied him.
I continued on and told him that Jesus died on the cross to forgive all the bad things we do and that when we believe in Him we get to go to heaven when we die. This topic of conversation has been an ongoing one and we have delved deeper into what heaven is like. He has now come to the conclusion that when we get to heaven we get "super bodies" just like super heros. He can't wait to get his super body and often talks about going to heaven to see Jesus and Great someday. Not sure he completely understands though. We were driving by the Space Center one day and they have a great big rocket with blinking lights. He exclaimed, "Mom! That rocket is about to take off, I need to get on it and go see Jesus and Grandma Great!"
This weekend we were talking about dinosaurs and he said he wanted to see a real live dinosaur. When I told him that there were no more dinosaurs, he wanted to know how all of the dinosaurs died...putting me on the spot again! :) I told him that nobody really knows, but that some people think that they died after the flood, when Noah built the big boat and put all the animals on it. I was then bombarded with more death questions. "Mom, how will we die?" I explained that we don't know that, but some people die when they are old and their bodies don't work anymore, just like Grandma Great, but that sometimes people can die when they are younger too, like in a car accident. After pondering this for a second he said, "Sometimes good guys get shot and killed." We talked about how this was true but very sad. He then asked, "Mom, do babies die?" I shared that his cousins Tori and Jackson  had a baby brother named Zeke that died after he came out of aunt Jessica's tummy. It was very sad, but that he got to go to heaven and be with Jesus. He responded with, "Baby Zeke is a super baby in heaven now." Man I love that kid! I can just imagine the picture in his little mind, Baby Zeke flying around heaven in his cape!
My discussions with Daniel have caused me to have some questions of my own. Why do I not have faith like my son? Why do I continue to question God? Why do I worry about earthly things that have no eternal value? Yesterday we tried out another church. The sermon was on the importance of the cross. The pastor shared a verse that really spoke to me, "Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.” Matthew 16:23. How many times have I let Satan get in the way of God and his work in my life? I desire a child like faith like that of my son.
Luke 18:16-17 says, 
"But Jesus called the children to him and said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”
One final picture of the faith on my son.  He has recently decided that he would like a baby brother. While driving in the car a couple weeks ago, Daniel told me, "When I get bigger I will play with my baby brother." When I said you don't have a baby brother, he simply said, "Well I will ask God in heaven for one."  Should I be concerned? 

TGIF!

 I have felt under attack this week. You all know how my week started with a lovely trip to the grocery store...well as the week went on another stressful situation presented itself.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with my story, let me rewind a bit. I grew up in a large family and was number 7 of ten children. I have two amazing and Godly parents that raised me in church and at a young age I formed a personal relationship with Christ. As I got older and entered high school I let other relationships with friends take priority in my life. With my faith on the back burner I began making some bad decisions, one of the first was seeking out a relationship with a certain guy. That relationship ended up lasting for six long years from the time I was 17-23. During this time I was emotionally, verbally, and physically abused. After ending things, I went off the deep end. I didn't know who I was anymore and I didn't care what happened to me.  I was lost and broken, but instead running back to God, I ran into the arms of the first man who showed me attention. Although I had given up on myself, God had never given up on me, and he was determined to get his child back one way or another. Within a few weeks I lost my place to live and my job. I continued in my sinful relationship, but God wasn't done with me yet. I found out I was pregnant, and soon after the father made it clear he had no interest in me or the baby. I felt like damaged goods and discarded trash. I was jobless, homeless, pregnant, and hopeless. At my lowest, I finally called out to God and he scooped me up in His loving arms and showed me that I was valuable. He took my mess of a life and blessed it beyond measure. He gave me the gift of precious baby boy and later brought a man into our lives who accepted Daniel as his own and loved me despite my past.
I am so far from the person I was back then, but it seems that Satan still likes to bring up my past insecurities, worries, and fears. He hopes that I will do the one thing he wants and question my faith and the power of God. I refuse to give him victory. The other day I received a not so nice email from my son's "sperm donor". Sorry for the terminology, but I have a hard time calling him anything else since this is the only title that he has earned. He has never wanted any responsibility whatsoever. When I first learned I was pregnant he had mentioned adoption, he willingly didn't sign the birth certificate because he wanted no financial responsibility, and was pretty much absent during my pregnancy and after Daniel was born. It took him over 3 years, but a few months ago he decided that he now has an interest in Daniel and would like to see him. He has taken to pressuring and threatening me to get what he wants. It would be so easy to let myself get worked up over feelings from the past and play the blame game with him. I will admit I wanted to and started to, but than I would be getting in God's way. From the start I have bathed this situation in prayer and placed it in God's hands. Because of this, God has done some amazing things! He has protected Daniel from being hurt and given him a real father. When Daniel was 16 months old I married the man of my dreams and he adopted Daniel the same day, giving us both his last name. Because there was no father listed on the birth certificate, we were able to amend it and add Josh's name. This made him his legal guardian and took away any rights from the "sperm donor". Daniel never missed out on anything and has always known Josh as his "daddy". My heart overflows every time I hear him talk about "his daddy". "Mommy someday I will be big like my daddy. " :)
I have lost some sleep over the past few days, due the recent words and issue with the "sperm donor" , but after talking things over with my husband we decided what would be the best way to handle this for Daniel's sake, and we would leave the rest up to God. I woke up this morning with an overwhelming feeling of peace about about everything. God used this week to remind me of all the ways he has blessed my life and that he is still in control. I am so thankful for the amazing man that he brought into my life. A real man, one willing to step up to someone elses responsibilities. My husband, Joshua Callahan is this man. He is a wonderful father that loves his son and provides a loving and stable life for him. While a certain man from my past still continues to show himself as immature and less than a man, my husband has been the mature one in this situation and stood up to protect and support his son and wife. Besides my father, he is the only man in my life that has been there for me in this way. I am so proud to call him my husband and the father of my children! I am one lucky lady! God is good!

And I get to go on a date with this amazingly handsome man tonight!

I hate grocery shopping!

No matter how hard I try and prepare my self for the dreaded trip to the grocery store, it never goes as smoothly as I would like. I am by no means one of those "extreme couponers" that spends 6 hours preparing for a trip to the store, but I was proud of myself. I woke up this morning got onto the computer, looked at the ads, loaded the store coupons onto my Kroger card and printed out my list. My plan was to get breakfast in the kids and get to the store as early as possible, so I could make it home before morning nap time for Julia. Maybe grab myself some Starbucks. I was hopeful for a quick and stressless trip. I even made it out of the house before 8. After getting to the store, Daniel picked out his "red car" cart, which I thoroughly wiped down with sanitizing wipes. The kids strapped in and list in hand I started down the first isle. Grab what I need and and get out as fast as I can. Piece of cake, right? NO. It was then that the stress started to set in. Julia didn't last long in the "car". She wanted Dan's steering wheel, which he was not okay with. So she was quickly placed up front with mommy. Please tell me I am not the only one who can't handle grocery shopping with two kids? I know there are many women who do it with no problems, but this is not me.  My mom had 10 children. How in the world did she stay sane? I seriously have no patience when it comes to this specific outing...everything gets to me. I am not really sure why, but maybe it is the constant "mommy....mommy....mommy....mommy..." from my three year old as I am trying to remember everything I need. Add to this a very busy 10 month old who is eating everything I put in the cart, including my coupons and list. After tasting something she chucks it out of the cart, along with my wallet. Then add in her ear piercing screech as she protests being strapped into the cart. She would much rather be crawling all over the dirty floor and reeking havoc. This is when I start speed shopping. Never good. I forgot the tomato sauce that I needed for dinner tonight. Guess I will be making a trip to the neighbors. Then to top it all off there is the anticipation over what the financial damage is going to be, which usually more than you were hoping for. Which was definitely the case today. My $10 off my purchase coupon would have been nice, but it got thrown out of the cart somewhere along the way.  Needless to say, I made it threw the experience a little stressed but overall unscathed. I however can not say the same for the bananas and the hot dogs. They bear the marks of tiny razor sharp teeth.

 It is so easy for me to become overwhelmed at these crazy times in my life, but I need to remember Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Even something as simple as getting groceries. I need to learn to give every situation over to God. When I get worked up it only makes things worse and I am sure my cries and protests sound like ear piercing screeches to my Heavenly Father. First step is realization right?  He has blessed me with so much and I am so thankful for the wonderful children he has given me. Being a mother is not an easy job, but it is so rewarding.  I pray everyday for patience with my children, and that God has patience with me as well, as I try and teach them to follow Him. I am learning. Since getting home I have had a few more moments, but lunch is in the kids and it is now one of this momma's favorite parts of the day, NAPTIME! Maybe I will enjoy a shower, some coffee (never did get my Starbucks), and some much needed quiet time in the Word.
On a sidenote: Next time I get baby fever, I should make a trip to the grocery store. After this morning, Daniel is not helping his chances of getting that baby brother he has been asking for.


Here is just a little taste of my day in pictures:

Daniel removed his drawer...Julia thought it looked like a good place to explore

Until she realized she couldn't get out.